On the family front. Joanna's Page 58
On the family front. Joanna's Page 58
Glory be to God, October of 1993 has not already found Ignatius in Moscow.
Joanna almost glad that he was asked to be the rector of newly discovered ancient monastery at Ignatius' homeland, in the same Siberian city, where his father had once walked the secretary.
The old man was still in good health and memory, lived with Ignatius sister, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, has long called his son home, staying for the rest of the righteous staunch communist.
And then, without the influence of his father Andrew, a communist believer. There was something symbolic.
The monastery was in need of a huge restoration, Father Andrew had to essentially re-paint the dome and the walls needed assistants, students, painters.
Of course, rushed to go with Ignatius and Gleb; children have already grown up.
Yegor, it's not a priest, as all predicted, and quite unexpectedly went into rock singers, then in business, but in both arenas with great promise. As in everything he undertook this once wonderful child. Family to be relied upon, including, and financially.
And Joanna persuaded Varia to let Gleb go, saying troubled times looming, daring, and so everyone will be safer.
In general, this honorable exile unwanted "red priest" was the grace of God for Ignatius.
Joanna thought so, though, and divided them again a few hours of the flight, even though they did not have time, so suddenly it was decided.
But Joanna rejoiced: Ignatius security and Protection of God will protect the monastery brethren from this terrible dastardly time.
As if Prince Andrew, Prince Nekhludoff, Prince Myshkin, Tatyana Larina, Vera, Pavel Korchagin, Ulyana Gromova suddenly turned savage, Kabanihoy, the hypocrite Golovlyov, Saltychikha, Barmaley.
A May Day demonstration by host Gogo'sl of evil, ruin Khoma Brut.
The pictures stored in Varya, Ignatius instructed her to sell without the right exportation some patrons of the new Russian; money had to go to the restoration of the monastery.
Only a copy of "Joanna" Ignatius took with him the original was in the Petersburg Russian Museum.
Joanna, he left a present landscape; sunset Luzhino's pine, sunset sky in fiery outbursts and burning, leaving the path to eternity.
Someday, if the Lord have mercy and forgive, they will go hand in hand on this trail, never to leave. They will meet Fire.
They will again be young and starry Joanna with coiled cord in ancient flying to eternity to come down out of the blue hair darkness in Ignatius outstretched hands.
And fire cover, swallow them, recreating in nature wild, fusing half once again broken one flesh for a new unknown life.
"The two are so united."
This is what he wanted to tell her his farewell gift, too foreseeing the impending apocalypse to Russia, and on them the inevitable old age, sickness and disease.
Sunset of life.
Do not be afraid, I am always with you. And he is with us.
She hung up the landscape in the corner, just below the icons, and when it becomes especially hard, repeats the words of the prayers by heart, mind stepping on Ignatius fiery trail, feeling the hand of his hand.
The fire gradually covered her burning pain and fear. And this prayer trail revived again and again, giving strength to live.
Ignatius struggled Light Favorsky. But "Fire" it was a success.
Once, in one of his rare, unexpected visits to the landscape Luzhino noticed Denis.
Long and silently stared.
'Darren did a great artist. If I were in your place, it is not held, you never know what. Darenov is a rarity, especially now.
I cannot imagine his as a monks.
Surely he once saw "Joanna" and many suspected, but never about anything not asked.
Dennis did not like to sort things out, "let sleeping dogs lie," as, indeed, Joanna. Maybe that's why their marriage was surprisingly long.
Creatively Denis has long depended on it will, quite famously learned to sculpt domestic rebels, and then make a joint statement from the life of the former soviet and post-perestroika foreign mafia.
In racing, the frenzied firing and eroticism.
Immediately cut into their rhythm, entertainment, adding a bit of mysticism and psychology, the exotic "Russian soul". I found a good sponsor, was a success and even snap off some there Prize.
Said his childhood overseas, good English, the natural grip and endurance, the ability to make all laid out to the fullest.
There was his stellar time.
Denis appeared less frequently in Moscow and in Russia in general, but Lisa was reported that "rang from New York Dad, hello to."
Certainly, had there been a woman, maybe another family; Joanna internally was ready for it. All around the disintegrating and falling apart, that here!
And it always amazed when he unexpectedly, twice a year, appearing in Luzhino. Cheerful, always tanned in exotic overseas territories, with some rare and expensive wine gifts.
'Well, like myself? Go, wash yourself though, the man has arrived!'
And blessed are collapsed in a chair by the fire, though the farmer, to go to the city for a few hours for shopping.
And she did run and change clothes laundered. And if I could, at the time of troubles laugh, probably would have presented themselves through the eyes of Denis as feral, brutalized, with black heels and a feisty subsidiaries tanned face.
Feisty from television news, which had been for her one continuous cry of "Our beat"!
And nothing can be done around hopeless lie, betrayal and insanity.
Joanna was already a volatile mix in a straight barrel of religious and non-religious attempts to comprehend the unfolding apocalypse.
Continuing to work hard in the smoke in the area and to convince more and more impoverished customers "buy a bunch."
Hastily bringing itself in relative order, she sat there, and Dennis began to tell. As if it all these months only, and waited as Solveig, when he finally falls down on her head and report foreign creative assignment.
If he came from another dimension. And here they are, in any case, she lived like a diabolical meat grinder, grinding all the familiar and safe in a shapeless blood-cement mixture of fragments of flesh, buildings, lives, beliefs, ideals, glass and rubble.
All flew to hell.
Joanna sat in Luzhino, as in the trench, shrank in horror from the shells hurtling from the "box" of information. Already dreading it on and even more to remain in the dark.
And Denis seemed a world citizen, who always well, in any order and in any country. Would be an interesting job, going well be the case, there would be no state of emergency and downtime. So that actors were not sick, and so the weather was appropriate for the nature.
And that was a box office success. And the audience for the most part is the same everywhere; they need sight to tickle nerves and soul something for the soul. And be sure of the happy end.
Only there frenzied pace, almost failed; burning up like a Swede. But comfort, stability, and with it; no problems.
Denis then forced her to remember that she is a woman, a wife, a beautiful and desirable. Here, too, it was, as before, harmoniously and familiar, as well as ten or twenty years ago. As if there were no disasters and dramas in their long-playing life together.
The next morning he left at dawn, kissed her, barely alive after drinking wine and a sleepless night, got out of such "joy of life".
'Well, I went, Jeanne. Ten meeting with this, as it. And the airport.'
And again flew for several months in the overseas territory.
Once he was asked to go with her to church for a long time was talking with Father Tikhon. Embarrassment, like a guilty schoolboy.
It was unbearable; the first time in her life she felt infinitely guilty to all: Denis, Ignatius, Philip, Lisa, Artem, to herself.
"And that is connected to the earth shall be bound in heaven."
She awkwardly joked that, well, like, late in his old age. Feeling even more disgusting because he will not tell him the truth.
Bad wife, a bad mother.
She thought with horror, if indeed at the Last Judgment all secrets will be revealed, and she has to bring Denis face of Truth, Eternity, this is the gate of hell the wines to those who walked side by side with you career.
Whom God has entrusted you to have compassion and love. Before their eyes, and his own conscience.
Dennis, as always, did not "wake up the dog," and turned the conversation to another topic.
And she'll never know what he was thinking at the same time.
It was not so simple, completely nothing passed.
And in the thirty years before flying to Moscow on the evening train she had betrayed not only Ignatius, and Denis, Philip, Lisa, Artyom of Katya. And, of course, myself.
'Our conscience will convict us on the court,' she realized.
Like Joanna looked into the abyss, and prayed to God for forgiveness.
Only two of them have to walk up the fire trail.
Bloodlines. Bonds, bonds.
"And the enemies of man is his own house".
"Ancestral need." Drain, lay out, nurtured him more.
"Marriages are made in heaven".
And only two of them, he and she, alloys together in a fiery road. Only two can step on it.
And then the heart will break.
Family, homeland, the land. In any attempt to take off Joanna diapered provided by these bonds.
We are all tied to each other, and we have to live or tear, causing suffering, or suffocate in a web, die of a thousand relatives spiders, drinking your life.
No, not for the glory of God, not for the salvation of the soul, all these purchases, cooking, washing, cleaning, washing-up, queue, diapers. And yet the conflicts, moods, quarrels, the transition to adulthood, hurt, tears, sleepless nights.
All of this curse "in the throes of giving birth", "in the sweat of mine," all of these "thorns and thistles".
These vulgar boring party Vanity Fair, these cheap ambitions.
Heavy cross, the burden yoke.
And then cross is salvation, and "My burden is light there is."
My burden is a burden to God. It was hidden clue.
Love for people and pleasing to people. God's work and a trap.
I gazed painfully eye-opening,
As of walleye doctor freed blind.
"I see a light," I said finally.
"Go then, he continued, you hold this light:
Let him be unto thee the only goal,
Until you close the gate of salvation is not achieved,
Go on! "
And set off to run at the same moment.
("The Wanderer" by A. Pushkin).
This "some light" Egor Zlatov deciphers in a few years.
And yet. While every attempt to take off with Joanna provided diapered bond required as a cocoon, and all contact with skin hurt, depressed, tormented.
All of her past life, animate and inanimate idols.
Steep monks. They also lived in a cocoon of constant obedience, but constant prayer and fasting made them impervious to predators.
They seem to be conserved in the sacrificial saluting the "old" a man to slaughter, to fuel a new immortal life, ripening in them and saved others for whom they fervently prayed.
Listening with delight as born in diapered wretched humble worm their new magically beautiful nature, conceived with light butterfly.
How are its powerful iridescent wings that will straighten it, barely heard, "Time".
And as a web break ties permanently leaving the dying world of the evil.
Joanna of the same, especially with the departure of Ignatius, barely leaning out of the cocoon, she felt after the anxiety and restlessness impotent despair.
And finally, all the hate filled and werewolves, and submissive flock, do not realize that not "deposits", and they lose their souls, in a sinister souchastvuya bloody feast ...
hid Joanna again.
Overcome by remorse. Something must be done, that "silence is betrayed God," that "with the tacit consent of the indifferent made all the crimes on earth."
Before this, she had never experienced.
Here it is, the notorious discord with reality! Soul sent distress signals.
"There have been worse times, but it was not mean" ...
She started to understand the revolutionaries.
"The monster is flash, huge, mischievous, and many-headed and barking."
"Greedy animals and insatiable leeches!"
Who could think that this monstrous world order, constantly generating death and sin, and you cannot change? For personal enemies is to love, to forgive, to let.
But love the army of Prince of Darkness is the call of Satan himself, nothing more.
Blatant lie, which enjoys a murderer since the progenitors.
"If someone strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also."
Hit "You", not your neighbor!
"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, and pray for those who persecute you."
"YOU", not near! No "other"!
"Your father the devil, and you want to carry out your father, he was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."
She ran in confusion to Father Tikhon.
He firmly confirmed that yes, it was for personal enemies we are commanded to love and forgiveness.
Shun the enemies of Christ, and the enemies of the fatherland is holy hatred. Like Dmitry Donskoy, Alexander Nevsky Orthodox Church during the war, to raise money for a tank.
'What is hatred? asked stunned Joanna, to fight?
'It's all muddy demons. Demons hatred, nationalism, profit, fornication.
Even Reverend Sergius said that our salvation - in unity, blessed the Russian troops for the battle.
The forces of darkness are real enemies.
A missile flies, for example. It is issued by a foe to kill. And if we cannot destroy the enemy, it far out of reach, the rocket that can shoot down!
These destroyers are missiles of Satan!
'So, knock?' Joanna was shocked militancy father.
'Let's say otherwise to disarm. Keep active defense.'
'Pray, Joanna. God will directs.'
Philip, for example, demon possession grubbing. Resale of video, then the computer, and then he had already registered a company, opened its own store of Radio Engineering and Electronics. Then we went to branches, foreign cars.
Phil wound on these points and branches losing his head out of bucks, voyages, contacts and contracts.
Drink, he, however, completely abandoned. But Lisa was happy for long a new constant fear of being killed for money, kidnapped children threats from various rackets, and written and telephone, followed one after the other.
Philip had a couple of times to participate in the disassembly, until fortunately fist.
He went to the shooting range and a gymnasium, he studied karate and martial arts, and once he was wounded in the leg.
Once tried to set fire to the apartment door.
But Philip of these tests only borzel.
He began to speak "new Russian", started the "roof" of the Fellowship of the bodyguards of the former "nine", pumped up muscles, began building a villa in the exclusive village with a pool and six-foot brick wall, a fortress.
Joanna could not believe that this kind of Aryan, branded packaged "jock" with icy steel in his eyes, chewing gum in his mouth and a pack of dollars in a wallet is her son.
He was like his father, both in appearance and fanatical passion for "the cause."
And the old woman, her mother some all-consuming inner fire for the time being barely smoldering somewhere in his soul waiting for a miracle.
If one moment of bucks will turn some qualitative achievements the crowning self-burning grueling game in into which he was increasingly drawn.
They are now commonly encountered in the doorway.
'Hello, Mother, look great. Sorry, I'm in a hurry. What about you, right? Peck, the scent of expensive lotion, - Wait, that's for you ... Appears mother. Are you pray for me ...
The last words heard already from the elevator.
Anxious heart sank. Bucks it usually comes back to Lisa. She was afraid of easy money. Something to her they seemed wrong, of Woland, but also to become an attitude, not to take step back is not too bad.
Taking them, she seemed to absolve him of the blame, shared sin, if available.
A bad mother.
"I brought him up, as necessary, lamented Joanna - not christened on time, drove in confession. My fault, my God."
Then she began to give money to Philip in different charities, refugees, for the construction of the temple. Although I knew that the Lord will not accept an unjust victim.
"Punish me, not them." she prayed in fear.
A couple of times she catches her son, tried to talk seriously. Tolstoy asked the question:
'Well, imagine that all the computers in the world, restaurants, banks, cars, Canary Islands and Las Vegas are yours. So what?
He joked, 'We will buy the Moon, the Mars, a couple of "black holes".
'House does not happen, you eat in a hurry, spend the night in a chair. You are daft player, you squander your life.
Black, even, zero. So it'll die of chips, face into the carpet. What you exchanged their gold?
Win anyhow impossible. In any case, better than the drag.
Or, perhaps, work hard again for a brighter future?
Some have already injected once, and then came the nomenclature uncle put their future is at stake and played for three.
A piece to Kravchuk, Yeltsin and Shushkevich. Well there Shevardnadze and Nazarbayev on different slices.
Famously, right? And those in the forest Crank freezing. Dnyeproges built, the bloodshed. Well, that's where they win, where is your God looks?
Do you still remember the people robbed?'
'I will remember.'
'Yes, your people for these tillage itself and voted, the people fed up with your sermons. He wants to guzzle vodka, fuck and staring at the box. Patriots with him your commies worst plague God forbid come back and make stick, series will cover, blue with whores send the bears.
Erotic masseuses-komsomol members; there they are, the whole band.
Your people, mother, dissolute.
The conversation took place at a family dinner in honor of the fifth Katya.
Children come in the morning and in the evening Lisa told Joanna certainly be, because my dad (Denis) away, and grandmother all at loggerheads.
Her friend on a bridge at once extinct in the house now maid is a former nurse, a refugee.
Caring for children and a grandma, and a wheelchair, especially from abroad was released, and essential drugs all the best. And she has a box with satellite, and video recorder do not want to live.
But Grandma, as told Lisa went attic. She curses the restructuring, Zyuganov sends his retirement, wrote an article in "Pravda".
A recently arrived some nimble aunt and she was presented with a new membership card.
Their granny now an activist, the printer prints the appeals and proclamations.
Instead bridge gamers she now always stick some proletarians chase tea with sandwiches, rallies, conduct revolutionary propaganda among the maid.
A contemptuous name-calling Lisa "lady." And the children "young master."
'What I told them the lady?' almost with tears complained Lisa, 'You know, my mother, my life.'
She really got it pulling the whole house, and suffered Philippi quirks, to make ends meet and raise children. And yet somehow contrived to appear, voice.
Now get a decent role in the theater, and the transfer is on TV, even fifteen minutes, but for now it's a lot. And the audience a good rating.
Well, yes, you may have a maid, because without it would have to do to put on a career cross.
Artem is a good student of high school, Katya home deals with teachers, diligent.
What are they young master?