By the Mouth of the Child. Joanna's Page 43
By the Mouth of the Child. Joanna's Page 43
* * *
Because after all flown mosquito she fell asleep just before dawn.
And dream of her red Alma, who disappeared in early childhood dog, which looked everywhere without success, and mourned for Yana, and then, and then in dreams.
Shw found a few moments, happily clutching to her, trembling and squeal with delight, and then woke up. Or another dream came, there was only a feeling of warm bodies trembling and longing for that feeling.
But in this dream, Alma-farming, as in childhood, can slip through the door, take a bowl of bone and lies at the door. And the silent question Yana banging its tail, not looking up from his bones, and say silently, too.
'Yes, I live here. And always lived, since you're looking for me when I was little, and then in dreams.
And now you found me, and now we are together.
The dream was so real that John opened his eyes, glyanet first thing on the door and not see, of course, no Alma.
But boredom is not, and the quiet confidence that she's here somewhere, probably in the garden. Or near Ignatius' house, ran into the road or on a dog's his business.
And we need only to call - solar flare in the green flash of her fox tail.
Yana stood on the balcony, feeling on his cheek and his hands barely perceptible heat festering somewhere in roadside poplars sun.
And the garden and the house and climbing Perfoliate, and other flowers down there, too, turned to the sun in a blissfully tremulous anticipation of a hot day - strangely, all here, as in Alma, though long ago waiting for her.
All except the people in scattered around the garden - alone, in pairs, in groups. With books, shovels, hoes, watering-cans. Everyone did their job - a loose, weeded, watered, and read the dock, just substituting the cheeks flaring up the sun.
They tear away her, though smiling, nodding, but somehow forced.
The impression was even greater than it was yesterday - however, they were strained and one another.
Yana was expecting some kind of exalted enthusiasm merge into a single burst of prayer - nothing. Never before encountered such a strange separation of yana - even weeding a bed in one - each by itself.
No word, no attempts at rapprochement.
Here are two arguing on a bench, passionately, passionately, about something I do not understand John. Discovered what was happening, and immediately, completely lost interest in each other, separated.
And even the morning prayers on the porch and listened to at least together, but still, each in itself ...
Only the children were a flock - whispered, winking, re-pushing to the end of prayers with a parent permission rolling out a single ball with gleeful veranda across the garden and through the fence.
Yana followed them. In the fence was a gate at the gate, a path between fences strangers. 3abory over, began woods.
Yana took off her shoes and dropping them every now and then, ran along the path to a round of forest lake, half-covered with duckweed and water lilies. Where, apparently, smaller and cleaner, splashing Kids.
The older boy kept a sharp eye, so that no one drowned.
'Further snags cannot! Vera, you know what obedience is?'
Joanna welcomed the boy something of a bow. She learned Yegor Zlatov.
I wanted to swim, but linen was like her little swimsuit.
'Everything is alive come out, and wipe the sun! Hurry up, I'll show you a dragonfly.'
Gently withdrawing children, Yegor handed her a towel:
'Take and return to mom. We'll wait here in some places very deep.'
'Walk, do not happen to me,' smiled Joanna.
'Do not ever say it is proud. All in the3 the power of God.'
From his unsmiling gaze to her herd on themselves. What a boy!
While she tried to swim, getting tangled in the weeds, he wiped his children, dressed, not looking at her / B all the same - the back, or what? - Felt that she was out of the water.
And only then he disappeared with the children.
And at the gate he waited for her to close the inside of the valve.
'Dogs will run up, trample the beds,' he explained. 'Mom asks you to lunch.'
'Thank you,' he said Yan by his tone.
Her heart tumbled; on the bench Ignatius was waiting for her/
Had she never gets used?
He asked anxiously, when she was going to leave.
She replied that she is never going to, that's just bring something necessary and zasyadet write to Uncle Eugene detective.
Ignatiusinitially decided, of course she was joking, then beamed
'That's good, bring me a paint ... I prayed that you did not leave.'
What face ha had!
She again thought happily, apparently, cannot be used. That it is more difficult, it turns out, bear than grief. What of it, too, breaks hearts, and we always want to cry.
And in general to die.
'Please to the breakfast,' again called Yegor.
All were seated at a table on the veranda. For those Vari, Hleb, and his grandfather John realized that the conversation took place.
My grandfather apparently wove about co-authorship of a detective, Hleb flashed his glazischami coal. Varya was justified, that John in fact can and in his car to settle, or somewhere nearby, even very easily.
Anyway, the worst is probably behind it. Read a prayer, ate a plate of pasta with tomato sauce 'Southern' and fresh herbs, and drank tea with jam someone who is black coffee with sugar - to choose from.
They Ate and drank in silence. Only when it was discovered that my grandfather drinking coffee and jam, Varya could not stand.
'No, uncle, you kill me now.'
In vain he argued that separate drinking coffee and eating separately jam - it's not something to laugh, but came to life.
And thawed Hleb said that once it comes to that, he asked John to not go today, tomorrow, after lunch, to deliver to Moscow his father Cyprian. What that is, of course, agreed.
* * *
That day she was not able New Ignatius' work to look; being reassured that she will not go away, he immediately went into hiding after breakfast in the studio, telling her:
'Come and visit me.'
But she did not interfere, remained at half Hleb / wing was divided into two / that Hleb enjoyed it.
It was touching to see how he takes care of Ignatius jealous, believing, apparently, that God himself ordered it the responsibility that mission. Then, in the absence of Ignatius he shows her his latest work evangelical themes 'The Star of Bethlehem', 'Why did you doubt?' (the Christ gave his hand to a drowning Peter' 'The healing of the man born blind'.
All except the 'Transfiguration', on which Ignatius worked all holidays, and no one showed.
The Light of Tabor. Subject transfiguration of mortal flesh, Christ's victory over death.
Gleb tries to have a professional conversation with her about Ignatius' greatest skill and the 'new word'; it only waved away, saying that nothing in this do not understand anything.
That she understands Varya's sick people; she, too, just want to attach to the hand of Christ, or the edge of the garment at Ignatius' pictures and cry.
But it was later.
And while she did not interfere with Ignatius; she remained at the entrance Gleb's half of the icons, children's drawings - also on spiritual topics.
And the children themselves, have settled down with paper, crayons and paints for a long wooden table. She wanted to see what they're painted with such enthusiasm, but she was afraid of Hleb and humbly considered icons.
Then Gleb told to pull out the table in the garden and there to draw, to be quiet and not disturb 'Father Ignatius'. This was said, of course, in her address.
Yanastayed near Yegor which cleared very dark icon chipped and scratched.
Is it an ancient one?
'No, the beginning of the nineteenth. You see, folds in clothing, volume. This one is Seventeenth.
Yana listened to a short lecture, how to recognize the age of icons, what is the "ark" and that the paint is really should be prepared from a variety of minerals - malachite, lapis lazuli and ocher.
What the Lord has given us for a list of churches all the colors of the rainbow - and Yegor said of the rainbow.
'Who is he like?' Yana thought.
Blond-browns, mooth, side parting in the hair, gentle as a child's mouth tightly compressed, tight dark squint, like Hleb and eyes.
It was as if some unknown point between him and another person attracts his attention. As if the point of this, or himself, he is talking.
Slightly protruding ears.
'What is this?' Yana asked about pinned to the wall of a child's drawing.
For a thin partition steps creaked under Ganin boards. Something fell, rolled ...
'It is 'Greed'. Each drew his biggest sin. You see, a backpack full of things to Heaven did not get.
Here's the 'Lazy', 'Disobedience'...
'Lies' black birds mouth.
The man was depicted in the wrappers from the candy, 'Come on, Take away'. As he lies if in a coffin.
'May we take candy?'
'Just us it would be unprofitable. The body should serve man, not vice versa. Delicacy is subordination of the body, not bread. And our mortal body. This means that you serve death.'
Because the coffin.
'It is logical. And this is the kingdom of God?'
She was struck that the children drew the kingdom of the same as her peers once a bright future. Transparent palaces, fabulous bright fruit on the trees, golden and blue sky. People with wings soaring among the colorful birds and butterflies.
'Tell me,' asked Yana. 'What do you imagine it the kingdom of God?'
Yegor began to think.
But then burst Gleb and told them to go talk to the street and do not interfere with Ghana. This was said, of course, to Jana, but Yegor was dutifully wipe his hands.
In Ignatius for the partition again something had fallen.
In the garden, already in full sun rampage, the children in the dense shade under the cherry trees painstakingly drew weekly for their sins.
And Joanna did not want to move away from the house where she could feel every cell blissfully close Ganin presence. She sat on the bench, which has not yet come, but inevitably approaching the sun.
Gleb looked at her, but said nothing.
'This is the kingdom of God,' he thought - and nothing more.
The hot Day at Luzhino, a blue-gold sky, behind the wall next to Gan, the children draw their sins under the cherry trees.
The sins of a past life, because in the kingdom have nothing bad will...
'I think I know,' said Yegor, sitting next to her. 'Well, as I imagine. Can you remember?'
May there always be sunshine,
May there always be sky
May there always be my mother,
Let there always be me!
'It is a wonderful loving world. Always. And I, and all - always. On the ground, it does not happen.
Joanna nodded grimly,
'Do you really believe in this, Yegor?'
Ca you see delphinium? It is a tiny seed, and look what bush has grown... A seed has died to become a bush. And it's very beautiful...
'So after all the bush and die...'
'Yes, because he is in space and time.
Time you know what? It's - a disease of eternity. And the soul - of eternity.
So I thought myself proof. Do you want?'
'Here's your soul, your ego came to light in a specific time and place, from some parents. Previously, there was nothing.
Could you come from the other parent in another time and place?
In other words: your ego is a miracle or biochemistry?'
'I do not understand it.'
With the boy-wunderkind Yana talked for the first time.
'Well, if you could theoretically come from other parents ... So this is not a combination of molecules, your soul, and a miracle, a mystery.'
'And if, as you say, biochemistry?'
'Then, even more so. Then, it means that there was some initial formula appearance of your soul to the light. Where did she come this formula as well?'
'And if at the same time?'
Is it at the same time?'
Here you put together in different capacities are different active ingredients - except you will have the same thing?
And here is not just a molecule, and the soul!
So, anyway, was the idea of your birth. A plan is immortal.
Here Pushkin wrote 'Onegin' as the actor died, that he played, and Onegin will never die.
And the music dies.
'Moonlight Sonata', for example ...
'But do we meet the design?'
'Of course not. All excess and poor should be burned, it is hell.
The apostle Paul said that we will be saved, as if from fire.
Otherwise it is impossible - what the kingdom, if it is dark?
Can you imagine the eternal darkness? Eternal evil?
Do you know why God drove man out of paradise?'
'Taste the forbidden fruit?' Not too confidently asked John. Talking more and more fascinated her.
'The fact that in Paradise man was immortal and sinless. He was happy as a small child who does not know what is evil.
And now you ask me where the garden has undertaken evil, right?
'Well, let's ask.'
' God did not create evil. Evil - it's simple - the absence of God. As darkness - absence of light.
The Lord has called himself Jehovah, which means "Jehovah."
He alone truly is, because He is always the case.
It is He who created time and space in which we live.
I think the Lord created for us the space and time that we were not always evil.
When the people disobeyed God and chose darkness, they could no longer stay in paradise, because there is a tree of life.
And if they ate from it, they would have eternal evil. That is forever cast out of the kingdom.
And then God created for us a temporary peace, that we can correct. Created from nothing, from one point...
Even less point, I was reading - ten to the minus thirty third degree is less than a point, can you imagine?
It was a monstrous cosmic egg density. And suddenly it exploded and flew in all directions, galaxies, stars, up to a distance of 13 billion light years away.
And then all this will fall back and come to an end.
* * *
Constantly asking yourself 'eternal' questions and seek answers to them was a favorite pastime Egor's. If he could find no other person, then argued with himself.
In his head, the heart, all the time there was an invisible job.
But the strange boy was not at all, "not of this world."
If I had to fix something, find out why the pump does not pump, or clean the chimney or nailed to a remote place - always called Yegor.
He was physically strong, strong, all things effortlessly scroll through, among other things.
But while his hands were doing something inside work. He could start a conversation right there on the high theme, something nailing, or obstrugivaya pripaivaya.
But this is Joanna learned later. And as long as the child of Gleb and Varya told Joanna that all attempts to define God with pride.
'Well, there the Supreme Mind, the Absolute idea.'
We are told that God that the Truth and the Truth - from the word 'is', that is 'to be'.
And yet it's way and the life. That is the only way of life and immortality, the other does not.
God - the absolute perfection and therefore can not be Mind. He knows it all originally, right?
And He did not need to create man. He just wanted to share more with someone with happiness, "BE" and create us.
But we have chosen death and now he has to save us all the time. Of course, if we ask, because otherwise - a violation of freedom.
For us, he even became man and died on the cross for the sins of the world with their blood. So God - is Love ...
He created us to be happy, and now suffers with us.
And of course, he foresaw it all.
But it was no other way, otherwise there would be no freedom...
Even Yegor said long thought that if God - Love, whom he loved before the world?
For if there was time only for him, so he loved Himself. And so cannot be.
And Joanna told the secret of the Holy Trinity God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, love, fused together.
Yegor said that when people love each other truly, they are like one piece, and it's called "dvoitsa."
And God - the Trinity.
Joanna listened to the boy of twelve talks about true love.
And everything in it, like magnetic needles were rotated to the pole by the name of Gan.
'The Trinity is like the sun, it gives light, warmth and life.
Light, heat and life are inseparable, and this together - the sun, it gives to all life.
Without it this is the end.
But the Trinity is never quenched. It is eternal.
However, from the heat and light can be very disconnected and lost.
People often do well, and there comes the evil and darkness, and they blame God for it. Though evil and darkness God did not make it simply the absence of God.
And many are asking why it was necessary to man the switch to show... But then one must ask, why is it co-create a person?
'Well, why is it?'
'I said - give us the happiness of living.
Created in His image and likeness, and said, "you - the gods."
And God created a beautiful world for us. Sky, sun, grass, trees, birds, flowers...
In seven days.
Only it's not our day, God day - like a thousand years.
First created reasonable incorporeal beings: angels, then Adam and Eve.
But they had a different body than we do, immortal.
And anyway, I read that it was one person not two. Of the two principles, male and female.
Adam and Eve, Duality...'
'You're always dreaming up,' dropped involuntarily listening to the conversation Hleb - So I tell Father Cyprian, that you again for your ...
'Have you snitch, and Father Cyprian said, 'Let him' .
No, really, Dad, that's written in the Bible:
'So God created man, male and female he created them'.
Both n the singular and in the plural... Why?
'And they shall become one flesh'... Duality.
One person double, they duality was ... were immortal.
They do not need to reproduce to continue the race. They loved each other and divine love were a single entity.
Gleb again wanted something to argue.
'Let's very interesting,' Joanna is not cunning. 'Guys, you have a terrific guy!'
'But praise is not blessed Father Cyprian,' frowned Yegor, 'he told me not to stop to think, but not praise.'
'The Angels were like gods. They were in charge of good and evil, and knew that evil; it is disobedience to God.
But some of them wanted to take his place and rebelled and were cast out of heaven on earth.
And then the most important of them, the devil, possessed by anger, tempted Adam and Eve to disobey God and eat the forbidden fruit.
But the Lord warned, 'Ye surely die!'
'It does not have died then?'
Not immediately, of course, but came into the world of death.
The devil all the way so that like anything, and payment comes later. He lied when he said:
'Nothing will happen, God just scares you...'
And turned the universal catastrophe. And if the man had been chopped in half because it was mortal.
And he had to reproduce that does not disappear. Multiply and divide.
And every previous generation has become manure for the next, and each subsequent killing the previous one.
And eternal life is turned into an eternal death.
It was just kind of extension, not a life...'
'The prolonged agony,' Joanna nodded.
'The eternal fusion of two halves, duality replaced the instinct of reproduction, short-term merger of the two bodies.
This is a trap for procreation.
And the eternal longing for heavenly love, which is not on the ground.
'Well, after reading Berdyaev! - Muttered Gleb - Is not the Lord blessed the marriage and motherhood?'
'Blessed as a punishment.
'In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children'; 'thou shalt not eat of it: cursed [is] the ground for thy sake'.
'Dust thou art, and the ground return' it is the same punishment!
'Punishment for salvation,' said Gleb. 'For those who can endure. 'He who endures to the end shall be saved.'
'I say, started a tragedy.'
Before people could not distinguish right from wrong and should not be judged by the law, but now the law of their judged for their sins.
Here are some say, why it was necessary that tree in paradise, and even ban: Do not eat! Maybe they would not eat... And no death there would be no, no evil...
But then it would have no freedom. Because freedom only where the choice to obey or not.
And they say:
'That's good, and do not have any freedom ...
And we would be robots...
'Happy Robots,' said Gleb.'Or an unhappy man, not wishing to become gods.'
It is a subject of Dostoevsky.
Do you agree to be eternal babies? Was it worth it to create the world?'
'No, I guess.'
'And the Lord would forgive, if a person has repented.
But Eve to blame the serpent, Adam to his wife.
Then the Lord saw that they are incorrigible, and drove them from paradise because he had no other choice.
Maybe they would have tasted of the tree of life and become immortal again.
The immortal evil; what could be scarier?
So the person was among the spirits of wickedness in high places.
Animals, nature; before the man was their king, as the Lord planned.
But when a man lost his relationship with God and become weak, nature, animals, nature spirits, all there Volcanoes and Zeus took the power over him.
And he began to worship them, turned into a pagan and had forgotten God.
Before the Spirit of God held sway over the soul and body, the body was immortal, and the soul - dispassionate. I did not know of pride, greed, malice, envy.
And the body fell, too - was to overeat, opivatsya, dress up, whore.
Spirits of darkness have tempted man. He is now serving them, body and desires, began to lose the image of God, turning into an animal.
God punished man. Flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, drought, darkness, Egyptian ...
Gave the Law, the Ten Commandments. Executable and be saved.
But man chose death.
Then the Lord saw that He has only one way to save us - the Great His Love.
To die, to atone for our sins by his blood.
To become a man, walk the earth the way, to show how we should live, and to sacrifice themselves.
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Word of God.
He was born in the land of the Holy Spirit and the Blessed Virgin Mary.
There was no original sin, but He took upon Himself the sins of all mankind, of all people who ever lived, live or will live on earth.
And redeemed them with his blood.
'I do not quite understand what it means to 'sacrifice'. Why is blood needed?'
'Here the mystery. I think so, for example, when a toothache - the whole body suffers, is mobilizing to the tooth to heal.
The innocent blood washed away sin.
Lamb takes away the sins and shall die, and die with it a sin, and the body comes alive ...
God became man so that man might become god.
It came down to an agonizing death shameful that we have risen.
He died that we lived.
Died temporarily, so we lived with Him forever. He conquered sin and death.
Now not only John and Gleb, but the children listened Yegor.
Cherry, birds, bees, all of the heat razomlevshy garden, and red the spirit of Alma's feet listening to Jana Yegor.
Which then admits that his mother asked, "enlighten" the guest.
'And God knew everything in advance?'
'Of course, as time created just for us. He knew and knows the beginning.
But the world and conceived.
If the Creator did not know the outcome, would have refused idea!
So, all right. All ends well.
But the way - very difficult. And the Lord shared him with us.
He was a man. He prayed in Gethsemane before the bloody sweat, not to yield to the inevitable suffering.
People did not understand him.
He gave them eternal life in the kingdom, and they wanted the gold, the earthly power of earthly pleasures, and fame.
And all he renounced all left.
Even the disciples. Apostle future, Peter was afraid and betrayed.
Even his father had left.
'Not true! - One of the girls protested.'
'It is true.'
God and sin are incompatible, and Christ on Calvary, he took upon himself the sins of the world.
Because on the cross and said:
'Father, why hast thou forsaken me?'
Even in hell for sinners came and rescued them. And saved us. Those who are sinking like Peter shouts, O Lord, save me, dying!'
'The shout, and yet still sin...'
'If we confess our sins and repent of their Lord taketh away.
But the sins of the world are growing, and him harder and harder.
And if we love Him...
'Victor ate green gooseberry,' put in one of the kids.
'And you do not snitch, about his shortcomings think,' Gleb cut, 'you how many you have, does not fit into the album...
'Man is hard not to sin,' continued to preach Yegor. 'This is only the holy strength. So they have a post he was! Prayer the gate...
And we, we know ...
But the Lord can do anything. It is said:
'Repent, believe in the gospel, and I will raise you to the last day.'
'And do you believe in the resurrection of the dead? Of bone from the ashes?'
'And what of the two cells for example, you have turned? Out what - arms, legs, you see, hear. Ask a question for...'
'Okay, let your "sins", but do not forget to sign. In the evening my father give up - said Gleb, taking sheets of babies. Now with Yegor to the lake.
* * *
Joanna was very embarrassed, but she did not know much of what is told Yegor. Once upon a time, thumbed through the gospel, something somewhere has heard something to read...
Of course, she believed in God, in a kind of high and unassailable power and authority over them, which is sometimes heard, sometimes mercy, sometimes condescending, sometimes angry.
But for some reason never raised this issue at the forefront of issues. Did not connect with the meaning of life, a way of life.
This question is directly rested on the belief in immortality, only in eternity, he became interested in her.
And since 'there' was either continuous darkness, or stood out in the darkness of some vague glimpses, not more, and the essence of the teachings of Christ, like any other religious and philosophical doctrine, and its reluctance to thoroughly investigate, examine and make findings, its shameful passivity were addressed to herself rather to gaps education, ethics, and no more.
Children's belief in God Xenia plus a mystical experience, and some fairly dense research at reinventing the wheel; that's all.
Ignatius unlike Yegor not fond of theological studies.
So it happened that it Yegor became the first teacher of Joanna.
'Thank you for your son, Gleb. We have in these matters, perhaps, the Neanderthals.'
'Who are these 'we'?
'Our so-called intellectuals. I, for instance, all my life thought that if God is depicted in the icons man, and we are created in His image and likeness, then, in the church worship man. And believe it's ridiculous.
We must 'learn and learn'.
'Well, this matter be corrected, we have a good library. Xerox, however, but something is. Yegor's all read it.
Just do not praise him, please.
To paraphrase a well-known expression is obtained:
'There are I and my temptation.'
And the worst diabolic temptation - pride, she overthrew the angels from heaven.
It is, perhaps, well, that Yegor around 'rying to get to the essence', but if you lifted up - dead.
Here, for example, the simple grass - all of trampling, as it stands currently. And some proud fool-stalk is erect, and who came - bang. And he broke.
'Dead, we are going!'
On the shoulder of Yegor there were familiar kilometer Chinese towel with orange chrysanthemums. One at all.
His blond hair smooth side parting, gentle child's mouth tightly compressed, eyes narrowed slightly, though not looking at her father, and the only apparent point to it.
And so he talked with Joanna as if talked to himself.
Whom did he resemble?