The Duality. Joanna's Page 44
Yulia Ivanova
The Duality. Joanna's Page 44
* * *
'Who is he still looks like?' she thought again.
The boys ran away, and immediately Gleb brought to Joanna 'The Pillar and the Ground of the Truth' by Florensky, the first six letters.
Poor Gleb did his best to distract her from Gani.
He did not know that they are the same 'duality' which fantasized Yegor.
Once a soul, a melody dissected, torn music books, where to get part of Ignatius was also the essence of Joanna, as part her essence was Ignatius'.
And a thousand miles, and through the wall of the lodge with torn rags birds, and through eternity they will always hear, remember and know that the total encoded only in the union, in a merger, the essence.
Gleb warned that the book sometimes difficult, but to overcome, mainly, it is possible. Yegor, at least, defeated.
'You probably have a lot to do with it?'
'It Yegor with all of us involved,' said Ignatius, sitting down beside him on the bench and lit a cigarette. Then he was still smoking when he was working. Two or three cigarettes a day.
Then they will often just sit shoulder to shoulder on this bench: she had a book; he had a cigarette or just. Sometimes a long time, exchanging occasional words, and dissolved in the bliss they only hear a melody.
Ignatius disappeared suddenly and silently as appeared.
He struggled over 'The Transfiguration.
I was searching for that special, magical world inspired divine flesh, clothes, face.
Light of Tabor.
The light that literally dazzle them with Gleb, a few weeks will show them a picture of Ignatius. And in the twilight workshop, in the rain outside the windows will broke, not the sun, something from which want to rush off and meet at the same time.
Burn like rubbish, and rise and fall on your face at the feet of Jesus with Peter, James and John.
Ignatius himself to find out their views do not wish to. Burknet that did not work, and run away in despair.
But it later.
And while leafing through it Florensky, Ignatius smoked, and only their music was played over the heat languished cherries.
Unknown instruments, string-woven nerves melody once united and indivisible, in Yegor's version of the soul.
This melody flowed into eternity, in a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God and the Lamb.
In the unearthly light of Tabor, who again and again to draw Ignatius ran away, and asked anxiously:
'You won't not go away?'
The picture seemed to have devoured the whole thing, he was on the verge of nervous exhaustion.
Joanna lamented that he could not give him their energy. A strict solitary life in fasting and prayer; those were the true sources of inspiration for the spiritual.
Ignatius went there alone, as her 'something'" is not allowed in the 'holy of holies', rejected, as Mary of Egypt from the door of the temple.
Ubiquitous Yegor then explain what is carnal energy, mental and spiritual.
And the inspiration of Strauss is not what Bach.
What is a conversation with the body, there is a heart, and there with God.
And once a few years later, at the end of Lent to Maundy Thursday, after evening service, Ignatius in the churchyard will give her a lighted candle, from which it was necessary to light a lamp at home icons.
A strong wind blowing it was already silver hair, black robe, mercilessly tore from the spark of fire quivering moth.
'Go out' I thought Joanna, trying to quickly open the car door frozen toes and fingers would not obey.
'Hold on, let it shine, Ignatius gave her a candle.
The wind tugged again.
She gasped, and all mixed up: she, Ignatius, the car, lime in the churchyard, her forehead slipping kerchief; everything seemed to be off the ground, flew with the people, the April drops of rain.
But the flames, she is distinctly saw it, barely looked up, darted back to the fuse. It was as if obeying an irresistible unknown force.
And that power was now in Ignatius, it always lit in the candle flame, which Ignatius put in a milk bag on the seat and has not fallen and has not gone to the house.
And in her delight, that the candle is not extinguished, and the icy winds of hot. And the wonderful fiery wave stretches and melds them instantly with a candle in the wind beating rapturously alive the flame.
But it later. And while she sat on the bench, overcame humble Florensky.
Gleb and Ignatius worked, Yegor bathed with kids on the lake, red spirit of Alma was lying under a bush, being languid from the heat.
Then they had dinner; lean rice soup with carrots and onions, fried potatoes and stewed rhubarb. Then he began to come more people; they leaked from some of the lakes and forests, through the back gate. By twos and threes.
The men greeted each other with a triple kiss, women - discreet nod. Immediately head kerchiefs tied and wandered about the garden in anticipation of father Cyprian.
Then, quite inconspicuous species blond in denim faded jacket with youth bag over his shoulder, walked down the path to the house hurrying gait to a lecture by a student, and his ;hippie; queue, remove the rubber band on the nape of pharmacy, bouncing to the beat of the steps.
The general movement of these figures arranged in a mess started to him, 'Father', as Joanna understood. And he, on the move and praised, ran up the porch steps and closed the door.
The rest, as if for a moment, then joined by his appearance, again split up into components, transformed into some strange place, much like the silent expectation of closed-in doctor's office.
Again and again, and then and then during worship she will surprise this mutual exclusion isolation everywhere, it would seem, must be complete unity.
The next day, on her way to Moscow, she will ask the question to father Cyprian.
And he says that 'all in all' possible only after the transformation of the world, where within each burn dirty, evil, and now impenetrable shell of self.
And all filled with the Spirit and Light.
Everything.
Patients affected by sin, the soul, impermeability to each other - that's the reason for the deep internal divisions.
'Abyss Abyss calls his voice falls.'
Everyone is the world or the abyss, he looks to be closer, longing, but the deep, asserting himself, feuding with each other.
In the world people are often combined passion, total fuss / dancing, the crowd in the stadiums, all sorts of demonstrations, the desire to achieve some social rights.
Combining the 'external' for external purposes.
When the 'external' to try a different life, 'church themselves' that unites them above vanity, empty chatter about this and that already is a sin.
But the true spikes, unity and love in the Spirit, not yet. Hence the state of alienation.
Joanna argue that non-believers can unite not only a sin, but also protect the homeland, deed, other high-end, it is often seen working in the newspaper.
Soviet people and even other 'the unchurched' people are the highest spiritual state where they do it collectively wonders. In moments of all disasters, wars, disasters, when many people overcome themselves.
Father Cyprian then said, very strange, it would seem, from the standpoint of orthodoxy sedition, that the presence of God in man determined by the state of his soul, heart, and not 'churchness'.
That "by their fruits ye shall know them. And if the tree bears good fruit, then God certainly put his hand, because 'Without me ye can do nothing.'
And if, where God is good, even if there's good out there the Lord is.
Another thing is that we do not always know what is good.
But the Church is the ship, helping to cross the stormy sea every day. And if anyone thinks that will cope with the waves and storms of swimming, alone or collectively heats, let them.
But if the ship does not contend, is not working, and sleeping in the cabin and have fun, then the conviction will be even more severe.
Church is a clinic, where people come to heal the soul, those who feel God's grace and the danger of his illness. A patient must humbly to show the doctor their sores, adopt procedures and medicines.
If the patient does not consider himself as such, does not want to be treated, no ship, no church will not help him.
The more I feel like a leper, the less notice the sores of others.
Patients avoid the secular society, but they should help in the same sick and in need of assistance, so that the left hand know what the right one.
Because if someone admires him, doing good, it is pride and vanity. My heart is silent.
So, again, the devil went around the turn...
* * *
But that conversation will take place tomorrow, and until the door opens and all will be held on the terrace. And Joanna dares to leave the post at the studio, to see what's inside there.
'Can I come in?'
Varya who on duty at the entrance, after some hesitation aside, shaking his finger at the door Kids.
Joanna slips out the door.
'The General Prayer,' whispered Varya', It is fixed before a confession. Tie a scarf.
The veranda changed. Frame draped with thick curtains, dining table, huddled centipede. Burning candles and lamps before the icons, floating above the bowed heads stood in a semicircle confessors misty plume of incense.
And unrecognizably transformed from a frail, needy student in the majestic sovereign celestial Father Cyprian, and the mysterious words of prayer ligature and resin-honey aroma of incense...
She seemed to be standing collapsed in a half sleep. She was too full of Ignatius, to penetrate what is happening.
Just pass the time, but my soul remained there in the garden.
It is strange rustling noise, as if a sudden wind whirled around the dry leaves, pushed from a nap. And Joanna was horrified to find that all on their knees, and she alone towers over all, is indecent and insolent.
Although no one was looking at her, just bent backs and bowed heads around, and Father Cyprian was cut out of prayer, the impossibility of the inadmissibility of a single standing caused her to flee in panic.
For some reason, the simplest solution to follow their example proved to be quite impossible. Brain rebelled, flatly refused to give such an order, and stiffened his legs, as if warning him that no power on earth can make them bend.
And Joanna was 'took out'
Are you taken out? Sympathetically smiling Ignatius stepped forward.
'Their' word, signifying rejection of sacraments dead in sins, the soul, as many in the community told any stories.
In this case, apparently triggered her unconscious rebellion against the Christian kneeling humility required to confession.
It also will explain it later.
And while they were given forty minutes to walk through the evening woods. Silently, hand in hand. Only forty minutes, because the spiritual father of Ignatius' Laura gave him his blessing to go to ten and get up to the first cocks.
Because the pre-dawn prayer in silence and hear especially pleasing to Him, Who Ignatius now belonged to.
Only Heaven could now define their relationship. In such a blissful merger incorporeal-walking, perhaps, Adam and Eve in paradise.
And this evening, and then, all forty three days of her stay at the magical Luzhino, be theirs the hour before bedtime.
Only instead of the paradise tree a mixed forest with red Luzhino's sunset reflections on firs, oaks and birches.
And the red spirit of Alma, wagging his tail, fiery sunset, always accompanied them. That heat is rubbed on the feet, then suddenly disappeared, rushing towards the distant barking of a dog.
But soon it came back, thinking, apparently, its disembodiment.
There was no chance that the spiritual blessings Ignatius long-term residence of Joan of Luzhino, so they parted again, forever.
Tomorrow again cuts through them like Siamese twins, two, and a few days awaiting sentencing father Boris bleeding flesh chipped in half of the unbearable grief of Joan of heat Ganina hands, compressing her fingers.
Only this and nothing more. But it was all...
She did not understand how could live for years with his life, content with only secret knowledge of their eternal communion with each other.
Unearthly blue bird to soar into eternity, had yet to overcome gravity.
The next day Joanna very early took father Cyprian to Moscow, where he was to serve as an early mass.
The trip, on the one hand, it would pacify him, as well as other inhabitants of Luzhino, with the presence of Joanna in their secret little world strictly as a regular driver.
But by exposing Joanna during a trip to strict interrogation, and not shocked, strangely enough, her spiritual state (deep ignorance in matters of faith inherent in the Russian intelligentsia during the last two centuries, the unchurched, and yet an unconditional recognition of the divine origin of man, that is a lot. Willingness to spiritual labors and studies), Father Cyprian came to the conclusion that staying in would be Luzhino for Joanna is very useful.
But Ignatius...
Here Father Cyprian at once understood everything. And that "everything" was, if not against the very Joana, in any case against them at the same time finding anywhere in the world.
Whether it was Luzhin, drifting ice floe or the crater of Vesuvius.
From the further discussion it became clear that he considers his trip to Zhiguli car Joan latter. Because his friend father Boris, Ignatius' confessor of the monastery, which he, of course, share their fears, said his resounding 'no'.
Yulia Ivanova
The Duality. Joanna's Page 44
* * *
'Who is he still looks like?' she thought again.
The boys ran away, and immediately Gleb brought to Joanna 'The Pillar and the Ground of the Truth' by Florensky, the first six letters.
Poor Gleb did his best to distract her from Gani.
He did not know that they are the same 'duality' which fantasized Yegor.
Once a soul, a melody dissected, torn music books, where to get part of Ignatius was also the essence of Joanna, as part her essence was Ignatius'.
And a thousand miles, and through the wall of the lodge with torn rags birds, and through eternity they will always hear, remember and know that the total encoded only in the union, in a merger, the essence.
Gleb warned that the book sometimes difficult, but to overcome, mainly, it is possible. Yegor, at least, defeated.
'You probably have a lot to do with it?'
'It Yegor with all of us involved,' said Ignatius, sitting down beside him on the bench and lit a cigarette. Then he was still smoking when he was working. Two or three cigarettes a day.
Then they will often just sit shoulder to shoulder on this bench: she had a book; he had a cigarette or just. Sometimes a long time, exchanging occasional words, and dissolved in the bliss they only hear a melody.
Ignatius disappeared suddenly and silently as appeared.
He struggled over 'The Transfiguration.
I was searching for that special, magical world inspired divine flesh, clothes, face.
Light of Tabor.
The light that literally dazzle them with Gleb, a few weeks will show them a picture of Ignatius. And in the twilight workshop, in the rain outside the windows will broke, not the sun, something from which want to rush off and meet at the same time.
Burn like rubbish, and rise and fall on your face at the feet of Jesus with Peter, James and John.
Ignatius himself to find out their views do not wish to. Burknet that did not work, and run away in despair.
But it later.
And while leafing through it Florensky, Ignatius smoked, and only their music was played over the heat languished cherries.
Unknown instruments, string-woven nerves melody once united and indivisible, in Yegor's version of the soul.
This melody flowed into eternity, in a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God and the Lamb.
In the unearthly light of Tabor, who again and again to draw Ignatius ran away, and asked anxiously:
'You won't not go away?'
The picture seemed to have devoured the whole thing, he was on the verge of nervous exhaustion.
Joanna lamented that he could not give him their energy. A strict solitary life in fasting and prayer; those were the true sources of inspiration for the spiritual.
Ignatius went there alone, as her 'something'" is not allowed in the 'holy of holies', rejected, as Mary of Egypt from the door of the temple.
Ubiquitous Yegor then explain what is carnal energy, mental and spiritual.
And the inspiration of Strauss is not what Bach.
What is a conversation with the body, there is a heart, and there with God.
And once a few years later, at the end of Lent to Maundy Thursday, after evening service, Ignatius in the churchyard will give her a lighted candle, from which it was necessary to light a lamp at home icons.
A strong wind blowing it was already silver hair, black robe, mercilessly tore from the spark of fire quivering moth.
'Go out' I thought Joanna, trying to quickly open the car door frozen toes and fingers would not obey.
'Hold on, let it shine, Ignatius gave her a candle.
The wind tugged again.
She gasped, and all mixed up: she, Ignatius, the car, lime in the churchyard, her forehead slipping kerchief; everything seemed to be off the ground, flew with the people, the April drops of rain.
But the flames, she is distinctly saw it, barely looked up, darted back to the fuse. It was as if obeying an irresistible unknown force.
And that power was now in Ignatius, it always lit in the candle flame, which Ignatius put in a milk bag on the seat and has not fallen and has not gone to the house.
And in her delight, that the candle is not extinguished, and the icy winds of hot. And the wonderful fiery wave stretches and melds them instantly with a candle in the wind beating rapturously alive the flame.
But it later. And while she sat on the bench, overcame humble Florensky.
Gleb and Ignatius worked, Yegor bathed with kids on the lake, red spirit of Alma was lying under a bush, being languid from the heat.
Then they had dinner; lean rice soup with carrots and onions, fried potatoes and stewed rhubarb. Then he began to come more people; they leaked from some of the lakes and forests, through the back gate. By twos and threes.
The men greeted each other with a triple kiss, women - discreet nod. Immediately head kerchiefs tied and wandered about the garden in anticipation of father Cyprian.
Then, quite inconspicuous species blond in denim faded jacket with youth bag over his shoulder, walked down the path to the house hurrying gait to a lecture by a student, and his ;hippie; queue, remove the rubber band on the nape of pharmacy, bouncing to the beat of the steps.
The general movement of these figures arranged in a mess started to him, 'Father', as Joanna understood. And he, on the move and praised, ran up the porch steps and closed the door.
The rest, as if for a moment, then joined by his appearance, again split up into components, transformed into some strange place, much like the silent expectation of closed-in doctor's office.
Again and again, and then and then during worship she will surprise this mutual exclusion isolation everywhere, it would seem, must be complete unity.
The next day, on her way to Moscow, she will ask the question to father Cyprian.
And he says that 'all in all' possible only after the transformation of the world, where within each burn dirty, evil, and now impenetrable shell of self.
And all filled with the Spirit and Light.
Everything.
Patients affected by sin, the soul, impermeability to each other - that's the reason for the deep internal divisions.
'Abyss Abyss calls his voice falls.'
Everyone is the world or the abyss, he looks to be closer, longing, but the deep, asserting himself, feuding with each other.
In the world people are often combined passion, total fuss / dancing, the crowd in the stadiums, all sorts of demonstrations, the desire to achieve some social rights.
Combining the 'external' for external purposes.
When the 'external' to try a different life, 'church themselves' that unites them above vanity, empty chatter about this and that already is a sin.
But the true spikes, unity and love in the Spirit, not yet. Hence the state of alienation.
Joanna argue that non-believers can unite not only a sin, but also protect the homeland, deed, other high-end, it is often seen working in the newspaper.
Soviet people and even other 'the unchurched' people are the highest spiritual state where they do it collectively wonders. In moments of all disasters, wars, disasters, when many people overcome themselves.
Father Cyprian then said, very strange, it would seem, from the standpoint of orthodoxy sedition, that the presence of God in man determined by the state of his soul, heart, and not 'churchness'.
That "by their fruits ye shall know them. And if the tree bears good fruit, then God certainly put his hand, because 'Without me ye can do nothing.'
And if, where God is good, even if there's good out there the Lord is.
Another thing is that we do not always know what is good.
But the Church is the ship, helping to cross the stormy sea every day. And if anyone thinks that will cope with the waves and storms of swimming, alone or collectively heats, let them.
But if the ship does not contend, is not working, and sleeping in the cabin and have fun, then the conviction will be even more severe.
Church is a clinic, where people come to heal the soul, those who feel God's grace and the danger of his illness. A patient must humbly to show the doctor their sores, adopt procedures and medicines.
If the patient does not consider himself as such, does not want to be treated, no ship, no church will not help him.
The more I feel like a leper, the less notice the sores of others.
Patients avoid the secular society, but they should help in the same sick and in need of assistance, so that the left hand know what the right one.
Because if someone admires him, doing good, it is pride and vanity. My heart is silent.
So, again, the devil went around the turn...
* * *
But that conversation will take place tomorrow, and until the door opens and all will be held on the terrace. And Joanna dares to leave the post at the studio, to see what's inside there.
'Can I come in?'
Varya who on duty at the entrance, after some hesitation aside, shaking his finger at the door Kids.
Joanna slips out the door.
'The General Prayer,' whispered Varya', It is fixed before a confession. Tie a scarf.
The veranda changed. Frame draped with thick curtains, dining table, huddled centipede. Burning candles and lamps before the icons, floating above the bowed heads stood in a semicircle confessors misty plume of incense.
And unrecognizably transformed from a frail, needy student in the majestic sovereign celestial Father Cyprian, and the mysterious words of prayer ligature and resin-honey aroma of incense...
She seemed to be standing collapsed in a half sleep. She was too full of Ignatius, to penetrate what is happening.
Just pass the time, but my soul remained there in the garden.
It is strange rustling noise, as if a sudden wind whirled around the dry leaves, pushed from a nap. And Joanna was horrified to find that all on their knees, and she alone towers over all, is indecent and insolent.
Although no one was looking at her, just bent backs and bowed heads around, and Father Cyprian was cut out of prayer, the impossibility of the inadmissibility of a single standing caused her to flee in panic.
For some reason, the simplest solution to follow their example proved to be quite impossible. Brain rebelled, flatly refused to give such an order, and stiffened his legs, as if warning him that no power on earth can make them bend.
And Joanna was 'took out'
Are you taken out? Sympathetically smiling Ignatius stepped forward.
'Their' word, signifying rejection of sacraments dead in sins, the soul, as many in the community told any stories.
In this case, apparently triggered her unconscious rebellion against the Christian kneeling humility required to confession.
It also will explain it later.
And while they were given forty minutes to walk through the evening woods. Silently, hand in hand. Only forty minutes, because the spiritual father of Ignatius' Laura gave him his blessing to go to ten and get up to the first cocks.
Because the pre-dawn prayer in silence and hear especially pleasing to Him, Who Ignatius now belonged to.
Only Heaven could now define their relationship. In such a blissful merger incorporeal-walking, perhaps, Adam and Eve in paradise.
And this evening, and then, all forty three days of her stay at the magical Luzhino, be theirs the hour before bedtime.
Only instead of the paradise tree a mixed forest with red Luzhino's sunset reflections on firs, oaks and birches.
And the red spirit of Alma, wagging his tail, fiery sunset, always accompanied them. That heat is rubbed on the feet, then suddenly disappeared, rushing towards the distant barking of a dog.
But soon it came back, thinking, apparently, its disembodiment.
There was no chance that the spiritual blessings Ignatius long-term residence of Joan of Luzhino, so they parted again, forever.
Tomorrow again cuts through them like Siamese twins, two, and a few days awaiting sentencing father Boris bleeding flesh chipped in half of the unbearable grief of Joan of heat Ganina hands, compressing her fingers.
Only this and nothing more. But it was all...
She did not understand how could live for years with his life, content with only secret knowledge of their eternal communion with each other.
Unearthly blue bird to soar into eternity, had yet to overcome gravity.
The next day Joanna very early took father Cyprian to Moscow, where he was to serve as an early mass.
The trip, on the one hand, it would pacify him, as well as other inhabitants of Luzhino, with the presence of Joanna in their secret little world strictly as a regular driver.
But by exposing Joanna during a trip to strict interrogation, and not shocked, strangely enough, her spiritual state (deep ignorance in matters of faith inherent in the Russian intelligentsia during the last two centuries, the unchurched, and yet an unconditional recognition of the divine origin of man, that is a lot. Willingness to spiritual labors and studies), Father Cyprian came to the conclusion that staying in would be Luzhino for Joanna is very useful.
But Ignatius...
Here Father Cyprian at once understood everything. And that "everything" was, if not against the very Joana, in any case against them at the same time finding anywhere in the world.
Whether it was Luzhin, drifting ice floe or the crater of Vesuvius.
From the further discussion it became clear that he considers his trip to Zhiguli car Joan latter. Because his friend father Boris, Ignatius' confessor of the monastery, which he, of course, share their fears, said his resounding 'no'.
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